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It's been a normal, non-scary Halloween. It's November 2, I'll be going back to school tomorrow. It's been a satisfying 3-day holidays are almost done. The other people of the house will be back later this afternoon. As good as it may sound, I'm a little bit sad. I don't know why I have this feeling, it's just there.

(sigh) In 28 days, I'll be celebrating my 3rd year anniversary in this archipelago. A lot has happened since I left that island. I lost and gained many things. I escaped the island without having a going-away-party, which I didn't mind. That same year I left I got into a technological institute and started to aim for an engineering degree. Which I eventually quit and took up architecture instead. Living away from my parents I thought I was free, and that the people here understood me more. At first I didn't really miss them at all. But as time passed, I eventually felt a longing for them. I got closer to them even though we were oceans apart, especially my father.

The next year I lost my girlfriend who is also a very,very close friend. I never did tell her why I let her go. Up until now, I haven't forgiven myself for hurting her, and from hurting my mom. I hid the relationship from my own mother, I lied to her. I have never forgotten that day I made my mom cry because of my selfishness. I hated myself for doing that. After the break-up, things got a little out of hand in the island. My mom got depressed by the incident, and I still blame myself for that. I was one selfish b******* back then, and I hated that part of me. Up until now, I still live with the guilt of the many sins of my past. I can never forgive myself for hurting my mother, and I don't think I ever can.

Last May, I went back to the island, I was happy to be back. I kept a low profile as much as possible. Seeing only people that really mattered a lot to me, my second parents, close friends, and the bishop. I helped mom around the house, played with my sister after her school. I ate a lot, I missed my mom's home cooked meals. In short bye-bye fit and sleek body. Went out to lunches with second parents. In truth, there was an acquaintance I really wanted to see, but hid from. I hid because, I didn't know how to react or what to say when I see that person. But I was set-up and saw her. We talked a lot, sort of a catching up. It was great, just talking as if we were so close before (which we weren't by the way). For the first time in my life, I felt really sad as I left for the island 3 weeks later. As my dad drove me to the airport, I cried as I told them all the things that were going through my mind. My mom cried as well, my dad did his best to keep his composure, and my sister was clueless to why I was crying. It was so hard to leave them this time. I wanted to stay for good, but couldn't, I had to finish school at the archipelago.

I miss that little-boring-island.I miss home.